Kikuchiyo-san's life is Hamada's art. Though Hamada doesn't document her transformation into Kikuchiyo-san, she accomplishes it with a wig, latex makeup, and clothing stuffing — and then captures herself on camera.
"Aging is a mystery to me. I haven’t truly experienced losing your friends, or health issues," Hamada tells Refinery29. "This whole project made me confront the life that I have right now...[But] it would be a lie if I said I don't have a fear of aging. I think I do. Maybe even more than anybody else. Maybe that’s why I ended up doing something like this."
Ahead, see 15 of Hamada's haunting photos that remind us to take a moment to reflect on the beauty of life — at every age.
Tell us about the first time you photographed Kikuchiyo-san.
"It was the second time I got into her outfit. I thought, Okay, I’m going to take a picture of her. I kept it in the neighborhood the first time, because I wanted to see how the makeup would hold up."
When did you begin leaving the neighborhood?
"The second time [I became her], I actually took her to the Botanical Garden and brought a friend of mine. Slowly, she started going further and further, to places like Coney Island or Central Park or The Met."
What is it like photographing yourself?
"It was certainly a different experience, being in front of the camera. I had to talk about the project for the Kickstarter campaign. It was very difficult for me; I felt weird, even though I was composing the frame and the picture.
"I feel vulnerable being on the other side of the camera; there’s a reason that I'm behind it. I don’t necessarily like it — I just wanted to photograph her. I felt that she was a fascinating subject."
How do you feel about being photographed when you are Kikuchiyo-san?
"I don't feel uncomfortable. When you're disguised, you don’t have to feel like you’re vulnerable. She is really natural in front of the camera. She is much smoother than I am."
Where is Kikuchiyo-san when you are Kyoko Hamada?
"She’s hovering around, I suppose. But in my mind, when I pass a secondhand store and see a summer hat, I go in there. It’s getting hot, so she needs a hat! I think, Wow, that would be a good hat to have. So, I am also thinking about her clothing and character when I’m not photographing her. If I see a nice corner of the park, I think, This would be a good one to share when the seasons change."
Is it a lot of work to have to take care of two different people?
"I also have a three-year-old baby and a husband. It is, in many ways, a lot. Of course, Kikuchiyo-san is a fictional character, but in my mind, it really does feel like she's a person who really exists. I separate myself from her. I don't see her as me, really. She’s very much on her own in some way."
What did your husband think when he first met Kikuchiyo-san?
"We met at up a cafe. I was already dressed up as her. He thought it was really funny. I asked him to help me on some of the shoots — to press the button for the camera. The first time he saw me, I felt like he had a mixture of a confused and fascinated look on his face. I was being very polite to him. I said, 'Hello, nice to meet you.' It was definitely a weird introduction, but eventually he got used to it."
Does your son have a relationship with her?
"He has met her recently. He didn’t recognize that it was me. He seemed a little taken, a little observant. I think the minute I spoke a word, he got very confused, because the voice was the same as mine. But, she certainly looks completely different. We had a babysitter that day, but he started crying when I had to leave. Then I came back and he was saying 'obaasan, obaasan' which means 'grandma' in Japanese."
What does it feel like to walk around in someone else's skin?
"There’s a feeling of being an outsider. When she walks around the park, she’s an observant person. She just kind of does that. She's certainly not thinking about cleaning the house. She gets to focus on a new flower that’s blooming."
What makes Kikuchiyo-san happy?
"She likes to go for walks. Nice weather makes her happy. Maybe seeing beautiful things on the street — very accessible things, like flowers or trees or little frogs. She pays attention to those things."
What do you admire about Kikuchiyo-san?
"I think I don’t appreciate life as much as I should. You just go on with your busy life and you don’t take time to stop and appreciate...not as much as Kikuchiyo-san does."
Is there anything you don't like about being Kikuchiyo-san?
"There are so many nice things about being her, but the makeup and the layers of clothes...I feel so relieved when I can take them off."
Do you feel that you better understand what it's like to be older now?
"Aging is still a mystery to me. I haven’t truly experienced losing my friends, or health issues. I’m pretty healthy. There are so many things that I haven't experienced as an aging person, even though I might dress up as one."
What has I Used To Be You taught you?
"This whole project made me confront the life that I have right now. It made it very clear that aging is going to happen, as long as I live long enough. Aging is not avoidable. It’s like the seasons; it's very organic."
Are you scared of getting old?
"It would be a lie if I said I don't have a fear of aging. I think I do. Maybe even more than anybody else. Maybe that’s why I ended up doing something like this. I’m here for a limited time. We all know that. But, I really feel it."
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